a roundabout Advent musing . . .
It's easy to say you're pro-life because you vote pro-life. But when a woman faces an unplanned pregnancy she needs more than just rhetoric. She needs support, community resources and a whole lot of love. I get the regular emails from Feminists for Life and this letter from a former FFL intern sheds a lot of light on how far the pro-life community has to go in providing resources for women who refuse to choose. (Bless them all, Lord!)
Do you feel deeply about pro-life issues, including infanticide and euthanasia, more deeply than making it your single voting issue? Because, I've got a little secret, if all you do is vote about it, you may want to re-evaluate how deeply you really do feel. This truly is something where our actions speak far louder than our words. Why not get involved with women in crisis? Crisis pregnancy centers always need help, as do homes for unwed mothers, or if you live in a college town take note of what Chaunie says in her letter below. Perhaps God has put adoption on your heart? However we promote life, whether through helping the infirm, the aged, those who weren't given a fair chance since the day they were conceived, those who don't "contribute to society" as some who regard other people as transactional units and only human if they contribute and not drain, as Christians promote life we must. As people of the Beatitudes, what are we doing to promote a culture of life from the womb to the tomb?
This Advent, let's welcome the Christ Child by helping those who seek to give birth, like Mother Mary, in the worst of circumstances; let's welcome the Jesus who comes to us in those who need life so desperately, on our streets, in our nursing homes, in poverty-stricken cultures--all those backward places of the empire where somehow, Jesus makes His home. Approach the manger and feel the light of His love.
Onto the letter:
Dear Serrin,
I left my Feminists for Life internship this summer fired up about helping pregnant students
on my campus. I had no idea that in a few short weeks I would be one of
them.
Four weeks into my senior year I took a pregnancy test, sure that the result would be
negative, that I was just easing my mind. I looked down to find two bright blue
lines staring back at me. Frantic and disbelieving, I immediately took another
test. Positive again.
In that instant, staring down at the two tiny lines that represented the most dramatic change
in my life, I understood how women facing unplanned pregnancies can
turn to abortion. In that moment of panic and fear, it does not feel like a
new life, but rather the end of life as you know it. A million questions
race through your mind—what will people think, what will I do, how
can this be happening? You just wish it wasn’t happening, wish you
could rewind time, wish it would go away.
It’s easy to understand women in crisis wishing that the baby isn’t real, so they can make it go away.
The next day, still in denial and in a very fragile emotional state, I went to the campus
health service for confirmation.
A nurse practitioner called me into her office and gave me the results of my test. There
was no doubt about it, I was pregnant.
When she started talking to me about telling my parents, I broke down.
I sat in the chair, crying hysterically while the nurse examined her chart. After a minute or
two, she stood up and said “I have other patients to see, you can
stay here if you want.”
She left me crying and alone to see the only other patient in the center, a young man with
a sore throat.
My struggles continued after my visit to health services. I gathered all the information I
could find about student insurance. Not one plan covered pregnancy. In
fact, all of them specifically stated that they would not cover pregnancy.
Though the university used to have daycare on campus, I learned the President got rid of
it a few years ago. Housing was another disappointment; once again, the
university used to have family housing but dissolved those dorms for the
better-paying first-year students.
I have to tell you, as president of my college pro-life group and an active advocate for
women, it was frightening to see the complete lack of resources and support
available for pregnant and parenting students at my school.
I understood how women in such a vulnerable situation could feel they have no choices.
In addition to physical and material resources for myself and my child, I needed emotional
support.
My boyfriend was scared and uncertain, like me, but supportive. He could offer no words of
wisdom, but took my hand and told me that it would be OK. He offered his
love and stood by my side.
I was absolutely terrified to tell my parents. Every day that passed without telling them was
even more horrible because I so desperately needed their support too.
When I finally worked up the nerve to tell my parents, their reaction was unbelievable.
They offered me nothing but love and support, and they were even happy and
excited for me! Word quickly spread in my close-knit family and, incredibly,
every single family member was supportive, offering to help in any way they could
and reassuring me that it was right to celebrate this new life.
I am now happily engaged, planning a beautiful Christmas wedding and eagerly awaiting my next doctor’s appointment, when my fiancé and I will hear our baby’s
heartbeat for the first time.
While I have received so much support and love from all of my family and friends, it has
still been a struggle adjusting to my new life. There is no easy way to
get through an unplanned pregnancy, but with the support I have received, I am
managing, and every day brings me more happiness and excitement. As
FFL’s Honorary Chair Patricia Heaton says, “Women who are experiencing an
unplanned pregnancy also deserve unplanned joy.”
I am so fortunate to have received love and support. Sadly, this is not the case for many
women who face situations like mine.
More than ever, I realize the vital importance of FFL’s work. I not only believe in
Feminists for Life’s mission, I am living it.
I am grateful that FFL is changing the way people think about pregnancy, particularly in
higher ed.
It is possible for women to continue with their educations, with their career goals, with
their dreams. FFL refuses to choose. So do I.
Serrin, I wanted to share my story because I believe that there is a better way for women.
There is a better way for me.
How reassuring it would have been for the campus nurse practitioner to talk to me, discuss
my options, offer me support and encouragement, and connect me to community
resources.
Instead, she left me alone and in tears.
I can’t imagine how a woman unsure about abortion, uninformed about her resources,
lacking support from those she counted on the most, feels she has a
choice—what hope is there for a good outcome?
Thank you for helping mothers like me. I’m deeply grateful to the
many people who support this important work.
I’ll keep you and everyone at FFL posted with photos and updates.
For women,
Chaunie Saelens
Former Feminists for Life Intern
President of campus Students for Life
PS Please feel free to forward this letter to whomever you think needs to know what is
really like for pregnant students.
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